I know I've said it before...but I have to say it again...I'm so grateful to be a part of this cast. Last night was, I think, the most intense rehearsal yet. I think that we're all starting to get more comfortable with each other, within ourselves around everyone...and we're really starting to let go of any inhibitions we may have been holding. We're all really starting to connect together as a whole...meld together to be one energetic entity...instead of a group of people separately acting their own part.
I've always acted...from one place to another...one person to the next...one smile to the next. As a child, I was pretty fucked up in the head...see, I'm D.I.D...for those who don't know, that's Dissociative Identity Disorder, or, more commonly known as Multiple Personalities.
As I child, I had no idea what that was--I had no name for it..and I sure as hell didn't talk about it. No one knew...if they did know, it was never spoken of. As a teenager I told my mother, but she blew it off...not that I don't think she believed me, it runs in the family...my mother is DID...my uncle, her brother, is schizophrenic...we're a family of crazies, and that ain't no lie...but, what she didn't take seriously was how it affected me.
I never gave her any details of how it affected me, but as a child and teenager, when my brain was still developing, when hormones were changing as I was growing...everything was so confusing inside that most of the time I walked around in a haze...or I just...wasn't there...it was my face, my voice...it was me...but it wasn't me at all. It was one personality or another...and when I became too stressed, that was my escape. I just...retreated into my head and someone else took over. It's really hard to explain this in a way that doesn't make it sound...hokey...I guess..."What do you mean you just vanish and someone else takes over..?"
I mean just that...when someone else is out...I remember nothing. Some times I will get flashes of things that I don't remember, scenes from life that I wasn't there for.
But as a child...a smaller child...there was so much confusion...I felt like Sybil...but despite the paint that was consuming me...I acted...I acted like that happy go-lucky kid. I acted...nothing was real...everything was a creation from within and soon enough the lines of reality blurred.
Reality blurred for me last night and I was so...deep within that character...that everything else vanished. I no longer saw the rehearsal space...Jesse was no longer there...the chairs that had the fabric over them became real tents...my skin became cold...by the "fire" I got a little warmer...when I turned and the tents were destroyed...MY home was gone and I felt it...I saw my tent in shambles...as well as everyone else's.
There were few moments, when Jesse told us "from the top"...when we'd wander back to our places, pick up our tents and sit down...before he called that silent moment to settle back into the characters...........this reality came back....it all came flooding back...where I was, WHO I was, who everyone else was and I'd look around and I'd see Matt or Barb or Jesse and I saw, in that moment, not the people who we were portraying, but who we all are...then the moment would fade and the lines would blur and everything would....shape shift again....and I was in Tent City in New York...not in a building, acting a play, in Danville, Illinois.
While we were singing Seasons of Love...I was looking around at the cast...some would meet my eyes...and I'd smile...even a little. A small up turn of one corner of my mouth, but my eyes smiled to...truly saying hello to whomever I connected eyes with...this I do to anyone...a stranger on the street...someone I pass in the isle of the grocery store...I do this to every one in a way that isn't...."oh, we made eye contact so I'll smile"...no...I do it because...well...I don't know this person...not really or not at all...but if I can really acknowledge them, if they see that I SEE them there...that they aren't invisible, that I smile at them and smile true...maybe that person will be able to smile back...that maybe...despite all the hardships and heartache and troubles that someone may be going through at any given time in life...if only for that one moment in their day, they may not feel invisible. That a stranger saw them and smiled...maybe it'll make their day worth living for...A Season of Love from a stranger...even if that season only lasts a moment.
It's all moments in time...everything...just some moments seems to pass longer than others.
Never before have I been a part of something like this...this is truly an amazing experience...and something that I will never forget. Last night was a whole different kinda high. The emotions were high...both within our characters and within ourselves...
As Barb said in her blog, I too thought that I'd have an easy part of being in the ensemble. I didn't think--or didn't know--or perhaps didn't really think about--just how much of myself that I'd be putting into this...I had no idea what to expect...but I am surprised...and I am glad.
The night before auditions I was talking to Michelle...I asked her if I should audition...I was second guessing myself...which is something that I used to do much more often than I do now...but Michelle talked me into it...and I'm so so so glad that I got to be a part of this...that I didn't let myself talk myself out of it...that I listened to Michelle (she's usually right about these things)..."It'll be good for you." she said and she was right. This is good for me.
I feel connected to all of you in such ways that I've never really known before...and some people...I haven't really had a chance to talk to at all...but that hasn't seemed to matter...not because I don't want to talk to everyone...get to know everyone...but that lack of conversation hasn't...blocked those people from this feeling I have developed...because...even if I haven't been able to talk much to some of the cast...we're all in the cast...and at some point, even for a minor moment, I have connected with everyone in some way.
This has been something special...and I can't fucking wait until we actually have everything all put together and we're performing to the audience....I KNOW that we're going to absolutely blow them away because THEY don't know what's coming...we as the cast know some about what's coming...and I know that personally, I'm blown away every rehearsal by everyone...by Jesse and his amazing vision for this play...it's mind blowing. Absolutely mind blowing.
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Friday, September 13, 2013
Renting Love
Last night was quite a turn out. Everyone did an amazing job and I find myself, with every rehearsal, enjoying myself that much more.
I was thinking last night as I lay in bed, not able to fall asleep at all...about the deeper meaning of this play. The characters, the story line...how this is real life...this is the way some people exist. This is (close to) how I have existed.
I moved out of my parents house when I was 18 with a guy Nathan. We were together for almost 5 years. Within that time (seems like a life time ago) we went through many stages of growing. I wouldn't trade it for the world. We were young and dumb, and with the stunts we pulled we probably shouldn't be alive today for me to be typing this out. But we managed to survive. We walked down a road of drugs and parties and struggle. But over all we were loving life. We were care free and reckless and...it was something that I had to do.
Now, to clarify, he and I never had a "problem" with drugs...I am way to stubborn to let something like that get the best of me...and I sure wasn't going to let it happen to him...but I watched many of my friends fall to the drug's grasp and...try as I might, couldn't pull them back from it the icy grips of addiction. But, try as I might, they didn't want my help...and the only thing that I could do was be there when they hit rock bottom and try and pick up the pieces.
Like Roger, I've held my dearest friends, people I love, shake and shiver through withdrawal, I've watched them struggle with wanting just one more hit...to breaking down and getting that need to just make the pain stop. A friend of mine spent one year in Texas state jail for possession of Meth after he was in a very bad car accident that almost killed him. Thankfully, he survived, and that time in jail recovered him from the addiction and he stays away from it. I watched many of my friends not get so lucky...but eventually they recovered...at least the ones I still talk to. Some of them didn't and disappeared.
I never found a note...but I've gotten the phone call that my best friend shot himself in high school. I'll never forget that feeling as my friend gave me the news that morning. At that time, we didn't know if he'd lived. He did. He's doing wonderful now, both physically and mentally, raising a beautiful family. He was lucky that he survived. The only reason he did survive was because of the medication he was on...which ironically was the reason why he shot himself to begin with. Aaron's mother was a cop for many years...and being from Texas, was raised around gun. He knew how to use them...he knew which bullets went into what guns...but because he was on a mixture of two meds (paxil and something else) he was so out of it that he put the wrong bullet in the gun...so instead of blowing straight through the back of his skull, it lodged itself into the frontal lobe of his brain. This combo of medication has a history of causing suicide attempts....after this, they got a huge settlement from a lawsuit of many people who's loved ones either attempted and failed, or attempted and succeeded to kill themselves.
Anyway...I'll never forget that feeling of being told what happened...nor will I ever forget the feeling of having to pass on that news to the people we knew that had not found out yet. That is something that I never want to have to do again...news that I hope I never hear again...from anyone...about anyone I love. Unlike Roger, my loved on lived. But the trauma still exists within.
I know what it's like to be poor...I know what it's like to have to walk or ride a bike miles and miles to get to work. Michelle and I haven't had a car in two years. In Houston she rode her bike 14 miles a day to get to work and back. And when in the summer, the average temp is 105 in the shade with 100% humidity...it's a difficult trek. There's no such thing as humidity here. In south Texas you have to have gills in order to breath the air is so heavy with water at ALL TIMES of the year. Imagine the most humid day that you've ever experienced here...and multiply that by a million...you've got Texas at any given point of the year. And that's not an exaggeration in the least. When I got up here, it was hard for me to breathe because there wasn't any water in the air...
Now that we're here she rides almost 20 miles to get to work and back when she can't find a ride. People take their cars for granted.
People take every thing for granted and rarely see just how lucky they are and most don't stop to think that there are people who don't have cars...that don't have food...that don't have a way to shower every day...I have been in each of the situations...at once.
As much as it sucked to go through, it gave me an appreciation to the things that I do have. As a kid, this is never something that I went through. My parents had/have money. Not rich by any means, but as a kid I never went without. Being an only child, I had every thing I wanted. I was spoiled, though, mind you, never a brat...but as adulthood crept up I had to go out on my own and find my own way.
There have been times when my dad has given me money when I needed it, but most times I find a way to get the money without asking for it.
I've been homeless...I've never slept in the street, but I've been a nomad traveling from couch to couch. Especially when Michelle and I first got together. I moved up here for about 4 months...then my mother wanted us to come back and help with a business she'd planned on starting...that didn't happen...two weeks after we moved back down there, she threw us out after an argument and she got physical with me...as she's done my whole life. She said to Michelle one day that because I'm her kid, "she has the right to beat the shit out of me whenever she feels like it."
Well, in this case she'd pinned me on the ground, kneeling on both my arms so I couldn't fight back, and with both fists was hitting me anywhere the blows would land. Michelle, from no where, tackles her into the stove and held her there with her forearm. Not liking the fact that Michelle had done this, kicked us out to the streets.
We found our way, but it makes me think of Mimi and how we discussed why she was in the situation she was...running away from an abusive home...finding a way to survive..."it's a living..."
With the exception of my parents and a couple cousins and my grandmother on my father's side and a few people on my mom's side of the family, everyone's attitude changed towards me when I entered a homosexual relationship. I've alway preferred women over men and I think my time with Nathan was necessary for me to discover what I was really looking for in the person I was with. I love Nathan, he and I are still very close, though I discovered after 4 years and 8 months with him that he wasn't the one for me...and 2 of my aunts...whom I used to be close with...now look down on me because of my life choices. It got to the point where my father stepped in and told everyone to shut the hell up about it. It was my life, my choice, and they can get over or stop speaking to me.
They still speak to me, on occasion, but there's always that under tone. We stopped going over to my aunt's house for holidays because, though we would be there, it was like we didn't exist...unless we "did something" that they didn't approve of...like...sitting less than half a foot away from each other...and out of respect for their house hold, we never did anything more than hug...which was still too much for them...and when they did speak to us...it's hard to explain if it's never happened to you, but to use the word condescending is understating it...we are lower than the dog shit on their shoes because, as my aunt Kendra told me, "God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve..." *rolls eyes*
I even deleted one of my aunts off my Facebook because she wouldn't shut her mouth about my life style and I got tired of hearing about it. I'm almost 28 years old...I'm not a little kid...I'll do what I want and live how I want in any way that makes me happy. What they don't understand is I'm not here to please them...and blood or not...I don't feel like they're my family anymore. Which is sad for me because they were really close to me at one time. What they don't see is that the only thing about me that has changed since being with Michelle...is that I'm happy. If they'd see past the gender of the person I'm with, they'd see how well she takes care of me. How much she's there for me and how much I've turned around in the 5 years I've been with her.
And I think that...in some part of the background of Angel and Collins and Joanne and Maureen...that's happened as well...as it happens to so many people who are gay. The line "let those among us without sin be the first to condemn" hits close to home for me, as I'm sure it does with other members of the cast...because that line is so powerful. It speaks on so many levels. Especially gay people....the looks Michelle and I get from strangers...from people that are supposed to love us...the things people say to us...the only thing I can do from letting it get to me sometimes is laugh at them. If people are staring at us...I grab Michelle and plant a big kiss on her...they want something to stare at...I give it to them. And the reactions we get...we have to laugh because...well...what else can we do?
We aren't going to let someone's bigotry get in the way of our happiness. And giving them a show...well...it's better than feeling like less of a person because the person I love happens to be the same gender.
As this show shows us...love has no eyes to see color...it has no eyes to see gender...true love truly is blind and only knows the soul. The body is a shell for the soul and you shouldn't turn away from that soul that calls to you because of something as mundane as the shell it resides in. So many people pass up real love because of something as obsolete as religion. I'm not trying to talk down about religious people...believe what you believe if it helps you sleep at night with ease...but don't let love slip by because of it. Love is hard to find in this world and unconditional love is that much more rare.
Love. Hope. Two words that are over used to the point they've lost meaning...but when you have it...you have it...and don't let anything or anyone come between that. And I think that this message is also implemented within Rent. Because in reality...we're all dying. From the day we're born we're dying...and like Marty said last night...once you're gone...it's about who you loved, how you loved, and the impact you had on them and the impact they had on you.
Gender is not important. What other people think is not important. What makes you happy is important. What makes you smile is important and...when you're on that death bed...it's important that...at least to me...that I will look back and KNOW that I have no regrets.
This show has taught me so much in just the few weeks we've been rehearsing, and I have no doubt that it has much more to teach me in the future.
Sorry it's so long...words got away from me. :D <3
Believe in Love. Measure your life in Love.
I was thinking last night as I lay in bed, not able to fall asleep at all...about the deeper meaning of this play. The characters, the story line...how this is real life...this is the way some people exist. This is (close to) how I have existed.
I moved out of my parents house when I was 18 with a guy Nathan. We were together for almost 5 years. Within that time (seems like a life time ago) we went through many stages of growing. I wouldn't trade it for the world. We were young and dumb, and with the stunts we pulled we probably shouldn't be alive today for me to be typing this out. But we managed to survive. We walked down a road of drugs and parties and struggle. But over all we were loving life. We were care free and reckless and...it was something that I had to do.
Now, to clarify, he and I never had a "problem" with drugs...I am way to stubborn to let something like that get the best of me...and I sure wasn't going to let it happen to him...but I watched many of my friends fall to the drug's grasp and...try as I might, couldn't pull them back from it the icy grips of addiction. But, try as I might, they didn't want my help...and the only thing that I could do was be there when they hit rock bottom and try and pick up the pieces.
Like Roger, I've held my dearest friends, people I love, shake and shiver through withdrawal, I've watched them struggle with wanting just one more hit...to breaking down and getting that need to just make the pain stop. A friend of mine spent one year in Texas state jail for possession of Meth after he was in a very bad car accident that almost killed him. Thankfully, he survived, and that time in jail recovered him from the addiction and he stays away from it. I watched many of my friends not get so lucky...but eventually they recovered...at least the ones I still talk to. Some of them didn't and disappeared.
I never found a note...but I've gotten the phone call that my best friend shot himself in high school. I'll never forget that feeling as my friend gave me the news that morning. At that time, we didn't know if he'd lived. He did. He's doing wonderful now, both physically and mentally, raising a beautiful family. He was lucky that he survived. The only reason he did survive was because of the medication he was on...which ironically was the reason why he shot himself to begin with. Aaron's mother was a cop for many years...and being from Texas, was raised around gun. He knew how to use them...he knew which bullets went into what guns...but because he was on a mixture of two meds (paxil and something else) he was so out of it that he put the wrong bullet in the gun...so instead of blowing straight through the back of his skull, it lodged itself into the frontal lobe of his brain. This combo of medication has a history of causing suicide attempts....after this, they got a huge settlement from a lawsuit of many people who's loved ones either attempted and failed, or attempted and succeeded to kill themselves.
Anyway...I'll never forget that feeling of being told what happened...nor will I ever forget the feeling of having to pass on that news to the people we knew that had not found out yet. That is something that I never want to have to do again...news that I hope I never hear again...from anyone...about anyone I love. Unlike Roger, my loved on lived. But the trauma still exists within.
I know what it's like to be poor...I know what it's like to have to walk or ride a bike miles and miles to get to work. Michelle and I haven't had a car in two years. In Houston she rode her bike 14 miles a day to get to work and back. And when in the summer, the average temp is 105 in the shade with 100% humidity...it's a difficult trek. There's no such thing as humidity here. In south Texas you have to have gills in order to breath the air is so heavy with water at ALL TIMES of the year. Imagine the most humid day that you've ever experienced here...and multiply that by a million...you've got Texas at any given point of the year. And that's not an exaggeration in the least. When I got up here, it was hard for me to breathe because there wasn't any water in the air...
Now that we're here she rides almost 20 miles to get to work and back when she can't find a ride. People take their cars for granted.
People take every thing for granted and rarely see just how lucky they are and most don't stop to think that there are people who don't have cars...that don't have food...that don't have a way to shower every day...I have been in each of the situations...at once.
As much as it sucked to go through, it gave me an appreciation to the things that I do have. As a kid, this is never something that I went through. My parents had/have money. Not rich by any means, but as a kid I never went without. Being an only child, I had every thing I wanted. I was spoiled, though, mind you, never a brat...but as adulthood crept up I had to go out on my own and find my own way.
There have been times when my dad has given me money when I needed it, but most times I find a way to get the money without asking for it.
I've been homeless...I've never slept in the street, but I've been a nomad traveling from couch to couch. Especially when Michelle and I first got together. I moved up here for about 4 months...then my mother wanted us to come back and help with a business she'd planned on starting...that didn't happen...two weeks after we moved back down there, she threw us out after an argument and she got physical with me...as she's done my whole life. She said to Michelle one day that because I'm her kid, "she has the right to beat the shit out of me whenever she feels like it."
Well, in this case she'd pinned me on the ground, kneeling on both my arms so I couldn't fight back, and with both fists was hitting me anywhere the blows would land. Michelle, from no where, tackles her into the stove and held her there with her forearm. Not liking the fact that Michelle had done this, kicked us out to the streets.
We found our way, but it makes me think of Mimi and how we discussed why she was in the situation she was...running away from an abusive home...finding a way to survive..."it's a living..."
With the exception of my parents and a couple cousins and my grandmother on my father's side and a few people on my mom's side of the family, everyone's attitude changed towards me when I entered a homosexual relationship. I've alway preferred women over men and I think my time with Nathan was necessary for me to discover what I was really looking for in the person I was with. I love Nathan, he and I are still very close, though I discovered after 4 years and 8 months with him that he wasn't the one for me...and 2 of my aunts...whom I used to be close with...now look down on me because of my life choices. It got to the point where my father stepped in and told everyone to shut the hell up about it. It was my life, my choice, and they can get over or stop speaking to me.
They still speak to me, on occasion, but there's always that under tone. We stopped going over to my aunt's house for holidays because, though we would be there, it was like we didn't exist...unless we "did something" that they didn't approve of...like...sitting less than half a foot away from each other...and out of respect for their house hold, we never did anything more than hug...which was still too much for them...and when they did speak to us...it's hard to explain if it's never happened to you, but to use the word condescending is understating it...we are lower than the dog shit on their shoes because, as my aunt Kendra told me, "God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve..." *rolls eyes*
I even deleted one of my aunts off my Facebook because she wouldn't shut her mouth about my life style and I got tired of hearing about it. I'm almost 28 years old...I'm not a little kid...I'll do what I want and live how I want in any way that makes me happy. What they don't understand is I'm not here to please them...and blood or not...I don't feel like they're my family anymore. Which is sad for me because they were really close to me at one time. What they don't see is that the only thing about me that has changed since being with Michelle...is that I'm happy. If they'd see past the gender of the person I'm with, they'd see how well she takes care of me. How much she's there for me and how much I've turned around in the 5 years I've been with her.
And I think that...in some part of the background of Angel and Collins and Joanne and Maureen...that's happened as well...as it happens to so many people who are gay. The line "let those among us without sin be the first to condemn" hits close to home for me, as I'm sure it does with other members of the cast...because that line is so powerful. It speaks on so many levels. Especially gay people....the looks Michelle and I get from strangers...from people that are supposed to love us...the things people say to us...the only thing I can do from letting it get to me sometimes is laugh at them. If people are staring at us...I grab Michelle and plant a big kiss on her...they want something to stare at...I give it to them. And the reactions we get...we have to laugh because...well...what else can we do?
We aren't going to let someone's bigotry get in the way of our happiness. And giving them a show...well...it's better than feeling like less of a person because the person I love happens to be the same gender.
As this show shows us...love has no eyes to see color...it has no eyes to see gender...true love truly is blind and only knows the soul. The body is a shell for the soul and you shouldn't turn away from that soul that calls to you because of something as mundane as the shell it resides in. So many people pass up real love because of something as obsolete as religion. I'm not trying to talk down about religious people...believe what you believe if it helps you sleep at night with ease...but don't let love slip by because of it. Love is hard to find in this world and unconditional love is that much more rare.
Love. Hope. Two words that are over used to the point they've lost meaning...but when you have it...you have it...and don't let anything or anyone come between that. And I think that this message is also implemented within Rent. Because in reality...we're all dying. From the day we're born we're dying...and like Marty said last night...once you're gone...it's about who you loved, how you loved, and the impact you had on them and the impact they had on you.
Gender is not important. What other people think is not important. What makes you happy is important. What makes you smile is important and...when you're on that death bed...it's important that...at least to me...that I will look back and KNOW that I have no regrets.
This show has taught me so much in just the few weeks we've been rehearsing, and I have no doubt that it has much more to teach me in the future.
Sorry it's so long...words got away from me. :D <3
Believe in Love. Measure your life in Love.
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Coherently Incoherent Ramblings of a Disturbed Mind
I have the compulsion to write...I can feel it coursing through me, my fingers twitch over the keys...but no words form that seem suitable enough to write out...still that feeling persists. I'm feeling very philosophical today, reflective. It happens sometimes. You reflect back to a time distant from the present...or perhaps not so distant...ponder on things past and just...reflect.
Perhaps this is so (today anyway) because a friend of mine and I decided we're going to correspond through old fashion letter writing...something more personal than electronic communication...and I mentioned several wonderful filled times we've had. I miss those days.
Not to say I'm not happy where I am...I'm right where I'm supposed to be...but there are certain times when the troubles of childhood recede back like a falling tide and nothing else in the world exists but that moment. When the brokenly non-innocence of life breaks way for those small bouts of innocence and laughter to reign over the darkness that seems to creep and smother out all else.
But the darkness of childhood has been filed away in a box in a memory storage unit in the back of my mind. Sometimes the box falls off the shelf and scatters all over the cutting-room floor waiting for me to stumble back upon these memories...forcing me to pick them up and stash them away again.
The way it goes sometimes. Sometimes you have to face your past. Sometimes they throw a party and you have to shut it down...hard as it is to get the loudness from your mind before you go completely crazy...that's when you end up in a corner rocking back and forth in the dark of the night; fighting desperately just to make the voices stop. For silence in your head. For the shouting to quiet long enough to form a coherent though.
Different now. Different. Not the same as it used to be.
The world is much brighter now. The world is much quieter now. And I...I feel like I can breathe now.
Perhaps this is so (today anyway) because a friend of mine and I decided we're going to correspond through old fashion letter writing...something more personal than electronic communication...and I mentioned several wonderful filled times we've had. I miss those days.
Not to say I'm not happy where I am...I'm right where I'm supposed to be...but there are certain times when the troubles of childhood recede back like a falling tide and nothing else in the world exists but that moment. When the brokenly non-innocence of life breaks way for those small bouts of innocence and laughter to reign over the darkness that seems to creep and smother out all else.
But the darkness of childhood has been filed away in a box in a memory storage unit in the back of my mind. Sometimes the box falls off the shelf and scatters all over the cutting-room floor waiting for me to stumble back upon these memories...forcing me to pick them up and stash them away again.
The way it goes sometimes. Sometimes you have to face your past. Sometimes they throw a party and you have to shut it down...hard as it is to get the loudness from your mind before you go completely crazy...that's when you end up in a corner rocking back and forth in the dark of the night; fighting desperately just to make the voices stop. For silence in your head. For the shouting to quiet long enough to form a coherent though.
Different now. Different. Not the same as it used to be.
The world is much brighter now. The world is much quieter now. And I...I feel like I can breathe now.
I Wait
Deep in thought I cling
to the smiling image of your face
To our last warm embrace
The taste of your lips as they pressed against mine
Forever in my mem'ry
Hours pass
seems like days
I watch the clock waiting...
I miss you
to the smiling image of your face
To our last warm embrace
The taste of your lips as they pressed against mine
Forever in my mem'ry
Hours pass
seems like days
I watch the clock waiting...
I miss you
Monday, September 9, 2013
Observations and Brain Food
Writer that I am, I have never been much of a blogger. Though as I sat here on my bed, the quiet of the house around me and the tranquility of the moment, I felt the compulsive need to write. This happens often enough and is a feeling that I'm quite used to by now. I have been waiting for the right time to post my first blog here, as I like to be well informed of what I'm writing and the way I combine the use of ideas and words...to make it a single entity that creates a detailed picture in the reader's minds.
While in Houston I was beginning to break out into the acting/modeling world, though sadly that was cut short by circumstances that ultimately led me here to Danville. Coming from Texas to here was a move that I put a lot of thought into and I have to say, it's very different. The hustle and bustle of big city life is the complete polar opposite to small town existence. Honestly, the town that I grew up in has a population much lower than Danville, but does not hold the small town mentality just being less than 10 minutes drive from the Houston city limits.
Everything is different here. The scenery, the people...the roads. The attitude here isn't as heavy, nor the air. But being from the other side of the country in a foreign environment left me with little connections outside Michelle (my wife) and the few people I've met since being here plus the few people she stayed in contact with over the years. Needless to say, my circle of friends has drastically lowered since everyone I know is 1000 miles south.
So when I saw the add for the auditions, I thought that this would be a grand opportunity to not only pick up where I left off at Page Parkes Modeling and Acting, assuming I made the cast, but also an opportunity to meet some people and broaden my social circle some. A chance to meet new people and perhaps at the end of everything, come out at the end with memories that will always last.
This is a new experience for me. And I have been observing the dynamics of the group as a whole. I watch the faces of everyone absorbed into their parts, figuring out their own version of each character, learning off one another...I watch the aura of the group and each person that encompasses it, seeing brightness all around me. It lights up the room. It's fun while making progress, and though it's business as usual, it's easy going and flows perfectly in a harmony that is unique in its entirety.
I don't know what I was expecting when I first signed up for this, but my experience so far has been amazing and I know that as the weeks progress up to the show and beyond it, this is an experience that will not be soon forgotten. Even if I should do other shows (which I plan to do as many as I can), I know that nothing later will compare to this experience and this particular cast.
I am honored to be a part of it and can't wait to see how it all plays out in the end.
While in Houston I was beginning to break out into the acting/modeling world, though sadly that was cut short by circumstances that ultimately led me here to Danville. Coming from Texas to here was a move that I put a lot of thought into and I have to say, it's very different. The hustle and bustle of big city life is the complete polar opposite to small town existence. Honestly, the town that I grew up in has a population much lower than Danville, but does not hold the small town mentality just being less than 10 minutes drive from the Houston city limits.
Everything is different here. The scenery, the people...the roads. The attitude here isn't as heavy, nor the air. But being from the other side of the country in a foreign environment left me with little connections outside Michelle (my wife) and the few people I've met since being here plus the few people she stayed in contact with over the years. Needless to say, my circle of friends has drastically lowered since everyone I know is 1000 miles south.
So when I saw the add for the auditions, I thought that this would be a grand opportunity to not only pick up where I left off at Page Parkes Modeling and Acting, assuming I made the cast, but also an opportunity to meet some people and broaden my social circle some. A chance to meet new people and perhaps at the end of everything, come out at the end with memories that will always last.
This is a new experience for me. And I have been observing the dynamics of the group as a whole. I watch the faces of everyone absorbed into their parts, figuring out their own version of each character, learning off one another...I watch the aura of the group and each person that encompasses it, seeing brightness all around me. It lights up the room. It's fun while making progress, and though it's business as usual, it's easy going and flows perfectly in a harmony that is unique in its entirety.
I don't know what I was expecting when I first signed up for this, but my experience so far has been amazing and I know that as the weeks progress up to the show and beyond it, this is an experience that will not be soon forgotten. Even if I should do other shows (which I plan to do as many as I can), I know that nothing later will compare to this experience and this particular cast.
I am honored to be a part of it and can't wait to see how it all plays out in the end.
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